Taking Time Out

This post by Karen Jordan was originally published on the former Arkansas Ministers’ Wives blog on Wednesday, August 10, 2011.

When you have a flat tire, you must stop long enough to change it (Dan Jordan, Arkansas Baptist State Convention).

When life sends us a “flat tire,” it forces us to take the time to stop and deal with it. If we don’t, it might destroy the tire and the rim. Then, we will have an even bigger problem.

Flat tires. The “flat tires” of life are different for each person. You may discover another problem with your car, like a strange knock in your car’s engine. Or you might find a virus on your computer. But you’d better not ignore them!

My husband manages a lot of the business problems at work. And when people get computer viruses, they often tell him that they don’t have time to deal with them. But he usually goes straight to the root of their problem. He reminds them that if they don’t stop and take care of the virus issue, eventually it will corrupt their work and shut their computer down.

Health. It’s hard to just stop what you’re doing at times, right? Even if you experience a health issue, like chest pains, a back injury, the flu, or an allergic reaction to something? In fact, I almost killed my husband with my guacamole once—he had an allergic reaction to some overripe avocados. So, we both had to stop in the middle of our dinner to deal with his unexpected breathing problem.

I’ve learned that I can’t ignore symptoms of health problems, especially as I’m getting older. But even if you have a newborn infant, you can’t ignore some symptoms. My youngest grandson experienced a bout with the RSV virus. I’m so grateful that his mom didn’t ignore his first symptoms—he might not have survived without her intervention.

Spiritual. You can apply the same truth to a spiritual problem. Sometimes, I refuse to stop and seek God for guidance. But God’s Word encourages us, “Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God … above everything” (Psalm 46:10 MSG).

Work. So, when I complained about some work-related problems to my husband recently, he just repeated his “famous” statement to me. “Karen, when you have a flat tire, you must stop long enough to change it.”

Honestly, I had ignored Dan’s advice earlier, and my “flat tire” had put me out of commission for awhile in my work. And for me as a writer, that meant totally laying down my work and seeking God for new direction. But I still struggled with the decision, since I knew that I couldn’t explain my decision to everyone. “What would people think? I’ve made all these commitments!”

Then, I remembered a promised from God’s Word: “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33 TNIV).

I hope the word encourages you to stop and check out the “leaky tires” in your life. Don’t wait, like I did, until you’re stranded in the middle of a busy highway, without a car jack or any help in sight.

Photo/KarenJordan

How do you deal with the flat tires of life?

Planting?!?

I was working with my computer in my lap one night as Matt sat across the room from me reading. This had become pretty common for us. Me being a stay-at-home-mom and he with his new, odd, love for reading. A few minutes passed before I noticed he’d laid his book down. He looked at me and said, “What do you think about church plants?” After our brief back and forth conversation that night he returned a few nights later and said, “Well, I know I always said I was gonna be a youth ministry ‘lifer’ but…I think God wants me to pastor.”

At this point I was just trying not to spit my Dr Pepper all over my purple laptop. That’s a phrase I never saw coming out of my husbands mouth.

He continued to say, “Not only that but I think He wants me to plant a new church.”

Knowing my short spurt running husband, I just nodded and thought to myself, “Okay. We’ll keep having these conversations but he usually looses enthusiasm after about 6 weeks. I’m not making any hasty plans until after that point.”

Nearly a year and a half from that life-changing statement and Matt is still going strong with this God-sized dream we are chasing as a family. God has already shown himself more than faithful in providing for what He has ask us to be apart of. God has already shown us His timing is perfect. God has already shown us there is a great need in the community in which He has called us. God has shown us we cannot do this alone, its not about how cool we are, and He has way more in store for us than our tiny minds would ever imagine. Much blessing comes through deep humility.

I look forward to sharing more about what this new season of life looks like for our young family as well as the community of Vilonia as God continues to work through The Church in the valley.

On the Hard Days

Reading the posts from our Facebook group, it seems that many of us are going through very difficult times right now. As I think about what to write for this blog post, my heart is broken for us. The demands of ministry can be exhausting. We give up the comforts of choosing where we live, what church in which we raise our kids, and so many other “normals.” Interrupted suppers. Rescheduled plans. No family close by to help with the kids. I could go on endlessly. This is no pity party, just our reality.

It seems that the days I most desperately need my husband are the days that the demands of ministry are the greatest. There are days that I cope bravely, trusting Jesus to meet my every need. And there are days that I fall into despair that this reality will never end. Then I feel guilty for not being stronger, not trusting more, not serving better. Over these past few weeks I have been reminded, I am most sure by my good God, that even with me, the pastors’ wife who should have this firmly rooted in her heart, He has compassion. Somehow, that is enough. Knowing that He is not irritated by my struggle or condemning of my sorrows gives me strength because I can rest in the patience of His grace.

My mind goes to Mary, sister of Martha. Mary is the sister who chose the right thing. Graciously, however, God gives a very human side of Mary in John 11. The account of Mary’s response to the death of her brother gives me great comfort in the compassion of my Savior and His allowance of my humanity. When Jesus came, Lazarus was four days dead and Mary stayed away. Her sister ran to Him, but she was too hurt. Then He calls for her and she comes to Him. Oh how beautiful, “The Teacher calls for you, Mary.” When she finally approaches her Savior, she boldly asks “Where were you when I needed you most?” She just wants answers. She wants to know where He was. She wants to know why this happened. We have all felt this way at some point in our ministries. What I love is that she had the audacity to admit her feelings of abandonment. She had the faith for her brother to be healed; that’s why she was so hurt. If He would have just come, her brother would have never died. But He didn’t. And he did. She was heartbroken, both by her loss and by her confusion. He had an even greater glory in store, but in that moment she could not see. She could not see that this pain would produce great joy. She could not see that this tragedy would result in a faith that she would desperately need just a few days down the road, at His death. She didn’t want down the road, she didn’t want to learn something. She just wanted her brother to be healed. She just wanted to be released from this pain. So often I find myself just as Mary, asking the question, “Where were (are) You?” What a Savior, that even though He knew what He was doing, He stepped into her pain. “Jesus wept.” Literally, burst into tears. He didn’t condemningly say, “Good grief, just trust Me.” He didn’t rebuke her. He didn’t scold her for lack of faith. He understood. He felt. He wept.

As wives of ministers, we know all the right answers, but there are days that we are just tired, confused, frustrated, hurt, disappointed, lonely. On those days, when it is hard to find the joy of ministry, know that our greatest worship is bringing Him our heart, honestly and completely. He won’t lecture or laugh.  He won’t dismiss or demand. He will simply understand. He will even weep with us. And we will find rest.

I often forget that the love, grace, and compassion of God that we have been called to live our lives sharing with others is for my heart as well. I can flood His throne with my struggles, just like Hannah. I can pour out my heart before Him, just like David. We have the same hope that from these hard days, we too will have a greater glory because somehow, someway, someday, He will bring a resurrection to these difficulties. Until then, I will ask the human questions on the hard days and that may be the only act of trust I can muster, but He will graciously accept.

The Club

This post by Judy Martin was originally published on the former Arkansas Ministers’ Wives blog on March 24, 2010.

As minister’s wives we belong to a unique “club”. The reality is that no one can quite explain the rules and expectations of the “club” because they differ from person to person or church to church. After being a pastor’s wife for nearly twenty-five years now, I’m still sometimes not completely sure of my exact role or the expectations of our congregation. I do know it’s a daily walk with many trials and errors made along the way!

I think it is humorous to compare our role as a wife to a pastor to, say, maybe a doctor’s wife:

• Did a committee quiz the doctor’s wife before he got his job?
• Were they interested in whether she worked outside the home, could sing, or play an instrument? (hopefully a piano!)
• How about the doctor’s children? How many? Are they mannerly and well-behaved?
• If one of the doctor’s nurses doesn’t show up for work, could the doctor’s wife fill in with little or no notice?
• If one of the doctor’s patients dies, does the wife immediately go visit the family, go to the visitation and funeral, organize the family dinner after the funeral, clean up the kitchen and visit the family in the weeks ahead?

So we know we have been called to a DIFFERENT kind of life than other wives of professional men. I think the secret is in the word “called.” I felt that when God called my husband into the ministry, He also called me to serve along beside of him. I have never doubted that call even though I have often thought how God would have done much better calling someone else! Have we all had that feeling at one time or another? But if we serve Him in a spirit of humility and contriteness then our service will glorify and magnify His love.

Sometimes the stress levels are enormous. But this is when we become more aware that the Lord is our strength. I love Psalm 73:26 that says, “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

So, fellow ministry wives, let’s celebrate our calling by reaching out to each other through this new avenue of blogging! I promise you will find it is a great way to get to communicate with each other and you will be blessed!

Welcome to the “Club”!!

Judy Martin is a retired special education teacher and pastor’s wife with two grown children, a wonderful son-in-law and beautiful daughter-in-law, and three precious granddaughters! They have two dogs, live in the country where the deer are free to roam and quiet is the sound they hear!

You Know You are a Minister’s Wife When . . . Part 2

I had so much fun sharing list that I asked a few friends to share their “You know you are a minister’s
wife when” comments. Just for laughs (which we all need if we are in the ministry) I am going to share
these comments with you.

You know you are a minister’s wife when you freezer is full of beef in Texas, deer in Arkansas, and Bar B
Q bologna in Tennessee. (This sister has moved a lot but she looks on the bright side.)

You know you are a minister’s wife when people say your prayers are more powerful. (Hmm, okay.)

You know you are a minister’s wife when your favorite time of the week is Sunday night at 8:00 p.m.
(Amen!)

You know you are a minister’s wife when you perfect the art of smiling no matter how you feel. (Amen
and Amen!)

You know you are a minister’s wife when you talk to yourself a lot or you talk to the walls too much.
(Oh girlfriend, I am with you on that one. Call me and we’ll talk!)

You know you are a minister’s wife when no one will sit with you at church dinners because they are afraid
of looking like they are too close to the pastor and family. (Isn’t that sad?)

You know you are a minister’s wife when you are anxious to make new friends and you realize the rest
of the church already has their groups. (Sisters, there are many fellow sisters in ministry who are very
lonely. Pray for them.)

You know you are a minister’s wife when you have a question, illness, etc. and you realize you don’t
have a pastor no matter how sweet your husband is. (Sometimes I feel the same way.)

You know you are a minister’s wife when an eighty-six year old woman says you had a better be
glad she isn’t younger because she would steal your husband. She is the same woman who tells your
husband that the music is too loud. (Hmm.)

You know you are a minister’s wife when you can’t buy a lottery ticket because you might win. (I
laughed out loud on this comment.)

You know you are a minister’s wife when you are afraid to tell church members where you are going on
vacation lest they think you are paid too much. (Been there; done that.)

You know you are a minister’s wife when you are afraid to walk down the liquor aisle at the grocery
store because of what they will think if a church member sees you. (I fell out of my chair laughing on
this one.)

And last, you know you are a minister’s wife when you can’t make beer bread, but the deacon’s wife
can. (And don’t even think about bringing a rum cake to a church social!)

Okay girlfriends, I spilled my soul and shared a few favorites of some of my girlfriends. Now it’s your
turn. Get busy sharing your “you know you are a minister’s wife when” comments.

Link Friday

Today’s Link Friday post is geared toward the homeschoolers among us. Some of the homeschoolers in our group have a great group of local supporters. Others are plugging along on their own as best as possible. There are some great online communities out there for those who have no local support. Home Educating Family is one such online community:

What online communities do you enjoy? If you homeschool, where do you find your greatest support? Do you participate in any local organizations?

If you homeschool, please share! There might be a fellow homeschooler near you who needs the community and encouragement!

I want to ride an elephant!

When I was little I wanted to be a missionary when I grew up (NOT a pastor’s wife).  I even surrendered to missions in college (but NOT to being a pastor’s wife). Although I am NOW a pastor’s wife I still have a strong calling in my heart for missions. I have struggled over the years with how to marriage the missions calling with my pastor’s wife role. Every little girl who dreams of being a missionary has visions of exotic places and exotic animals and not a parsonage and committees, or at least I did. I also figured doing mission work abroad was one way to guarantee an elephant ride (still waiting on that one). When my husband became a pastor I literally thought, “Well, guess I will have to put my call to missions on hold.” I couldn’t even fathom that the two could be compatible. Thankfully God opened my eyes to how wrong I was. Being involved in church is being involved in missions. Reaching the lost for Christ has to first start in your home, on your doorstep, and in your community. Granted, it might not be as exotic as Asia or Africa but seeing God’s supernatural power at work saving people always eclipses the scenery no matter where you are and raises the humdrum of the ordinary to an almost blinding beauty. What is more beautiful then seeing a soul be made new even if it is in your messy living room? Missions is missions no matter where you are. However, having said that, I want to issue a challenge: Go on a mission trip!

I know as minister’s wives the one that usually gets to go on the trips isn’t the wife. We are often left behind it seems for most things. This is neither a good nor bad at thing. It is usually just the difference in how our roles are played out. My husband has been to Africa three times and I stayed home for two of them. On one of those trips my mother-in-law, father-in-law, brother-in-law, and his wife all went with my husband. It was like a family reunion in Africa in which I was left out. I have to be honest. I struggled with that – I was the one who had surrendered to missions! I was the one who always wanted to ride an elephant for Pete’s sake! I chuckle now. The truth of it was it just wasn’t God’s will for me to go at those times. On the first trip the need was for pastors to be taught and trained – something I couldn’t do. The other time I was still nursing. My babies needed me. Thankfully the third time my husband went to Africa I got to go as well. Our first church was in Oklahoma and we took the youth group on a mission trip to Arkansas. At our previous church we took our youth and sponsors on the church’s first ever mission trip to Nebraska. Last summer I got to go with our church to Guatemala and just last week I was in Hungary helping to lead a women’s conference. All the trips I have been on have changed me for the better. It is very easy to fall into the belief that as ministers’ wives we don’t have time for mission trips. Or the money. Or the calling. Or the health. Or whatever reason you can list. But God wants us to go! You may not have a calling on your life specifically for missions but every Christian needs to be involved in the act of mission work. As a minister’s wife it is even more so. We aren’t in the hired position of leadership but we are still leaders and people are watching us. I don’t know about you but I want to be “caught” doing mission work 🙂

One of the wonderful things about mission trips is they get us out of our comfort zone. We have to completely trust God for the money. Our minister husbands are not “rolling in the dough”. (Just typing that made me chuckle.) We have to trust God in all the details of getting us there and getting us back. I joke that we always pray for safety to our destination but tend to leave out the return trip. One is just as important as the other! We have to trust God with our families while we are gone. If you have small children or school age kids don’t worry about them only eating hot dogs or cereal while you are away. Just have your husband do what mine does – announce from the pulpit how he is excited about learning the many ways to cook Spam. (It works better if your children groan on cue from their seats.) The church ladies will be lining up to bring food while you are gone! If you are lucky you will even have enough for leftovers when you get back. Win-win for everyone! We have to trust that God will work in mighty ways even if we don’t get to see the results. Some sow, some cultivate, others reap the harvest. Growth ALWAYS happens outside of the comfort zone.

Find a trip to go on. It doesn’t have to be out of the country. It could be in a neighboring state. Maybe your church is planning a trip this summer or fall or even next year. Check it out! One of the greatest blessings I have received as a pastor’s wife is going on mission trips with our church and seeing the people that I see every week at church step out on faith and out of their comfort zones and get blown away by the awesome power of Christ. We need to spend time in the trenches with our fellow church body members. We get to know them in ways we never would on the pew. If your church doesn’t have any trips planned, plan one! Our state office has wonderful people there to help you every step of the way. Your associational missionary can also help. Many associations partner with state, North American, and/or International missionaries. Another option is grab some other minister wives and partner with a missionary to do a women’s conference in their area. Pray and seek God’s will. Ask Him to show you a way you can personally help reach all Judea and Samaria, and the end of the earth.

Now, I want to hear your stories. What trips have you been on? How were you blessed? Did you get to ride an elephant???