The One Thing

This post by Melinda Bunyard was originally published on the former Arkansas Ministers’ Wives blog on June 1, 2010.

I never dreamed being a Pastor’s wife would be so demanding. It seems that one busy day rolls into another and before I know it, it’s Sunday again. I can’t remember a time in my life when it has required more discipline to stay consistent in personal Bible study and prayer. And I can’t remember a time when it was more crucial. I ran across a familiar story recently in my Bible reading that the Holy Spirit is using in my life in a whole new way.

It is the story of Jesus’ visit to Martha’s house found in Luke 10: 38-42. You know, the one where she complains that Mary isn’t helping her in her hostessing efforts. Both women were friends of Jesus and desired to please Him. They just had very different ideas of what it looked like to have Jesus in your home. Martha was busy cooking, preparing, and serving. She wanted everything to be just right. After all, Jesus had come for dinner. The Bible says, “She was distracted.” Before long, she ran out of energy and saw that she was not going to reach the high standard of hostessing she had placed on herself, so what did she decide to do? She whined to the person she believed could help her. Mary, on the other hand, placed herself at the feet of Jesus. She was relaxing and listening to all that He had to say. There she was, listening, worshiping, and resting when along came Martha to tattle.

I have always focused on the roles of Mary and Martha in this passage. Women could debate the merits of both women. Those for Martha would argue that the work had to be done. If you don’t cook and serve, no one will eat. Those for Mary might say Mary was definitely right. If Jesus is in your home, nothing else would matter and you should definitely sit at his feet.

As I read it this time, the Holy Spirit seemed to place the spotlight not on Mary or Martha, but on Jesus’ role in the passage. His words resonated in my mind and heart. He replied to Martha’s complaint by saying, “But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken from her.” ONE THING. Those were powerful words considering the context. Martha was busy doing a million things. Yet, Jesus said only one thing is needed.

He knows we have lives to live. He understands the demands placed on us as women. And it’s not that He doesn’t want us to do those things and do them well. But He’s saying the one thing, the main thing, the first thing we need to be concerned about is our relationship with Him and spending time sitting at His feet and listening to His word.

Martha was concerned with being a great hostess while Mary was concerned with being a great disciple. Somehow she understood that nothing else mattered if she didn’t first get that right.

I want to be great at what I do: mom, wife, friend, pastor’s wife. But that will never happen until I am great at spending time with Jesus. Why? Because in Him I have strength, hope, peace and wisdom. I don’t have that within myself. It has to come from God, the author and finisher of my faith. Before I can be great at anything else, I have to be great at spending time with Him.

Melinda Bunyard lives in Farmington, AR with her husband, Joel, and three boys, Joe, John, and James. When they are not on the football or baseball field, the Bunyards enjoy traveling and watching the Arkansas Razorbacks play. Although no longer a pastor’s wife, Melinda has much encouragement to offer ministers’ wives and women in all walks of life. To learn more about her, visit her at www.melindabunyard.com.

Our Favorite Things

Imagine you’ve been in a tough time in ministry. For some of us, that won’t be a stretch! You’re praying for perspective, help, and encouragement. Out of the blue, a fresh, young minister’s wife approaches you, full of life and energy and excitement.

Knowing the struggle you’ve been through lately, you want to tell her to turn and run. Hard! Fast! NOW! You want to spare her the struggle and the heartache and the pain. But, she asks you a question. One simple question. At first you don’t want to answer her question. But then you remember the prayer you just prayed, and you realize that God might be answering it through this young whipper-snapper.

What, you wonder, has she asked?

What is your favorite thing about being a minister’s wife? 

What would your answer be?

I Need To!

“Mommy!” I heard the call through the open window while the kids were playing outside one afternoon and I was inside washing dishes.

“Yes?” I answered.

“Mommy, I need to plant something!” The passionate exclamation came from my three-year-old son, convinced he was missing out on something because he couldn’t have his hands on growing plants. He’d been inspired lately by some of his sisters’ growing projects for science, and he so desperately wanted his very own project.

I had to laugh at him as we talked through what it was he really wanted and “needed.” But, as I listened to his excitement, I had to confess – sometimes I feel that way, too. Sometimes I just feel as if I need to do something!

I have so many passions, but it seems that there are so many roadblocks to fulfilling those passions. In some situations, I pursue those passions but grow discouraged when I see little return for my effort. Meanwhile, there are other things I try to do because I think I should, but I’m just not so good at them. You know, things that the stereotypical minister’s wife or homeschooler always does. So, frequently I find myself crying out just like my son. I find myself crying out to God to show me how I can serve in line with the way He created me.

And, He does.

What I was created to be and do might not be the things others think I should do, but they are the things I do best. The things that really bring out the passion in me. The things that let me see growth and progress. The things that excite me as much as a gardener watching her sprouts peek through the soil. By doing those things, I am strengthened to also do the things that are expected of me, the ones that don’t come so naturally.

I pray you are in a place where you are already seeing God work through the things you’re passionate about. But, if you’re not there yet, I encourage you to call out. I encourage you to call to God and say, “Lord, I need to do ___________!” Maybe you don’t even know yet what should go in that blank. If so, ask Him to fill in the blank for you! Whatever you do, though, don’t just trudge through your role as a minister’s wife. There will always be things you have to do that are hard for you. Believe me, I know – just initiating conversation with people week in and week out can be overwhelming for me! But, no matter what your church or life situation may be, there is a way for God to use your passions. It may not be in the form that your dreams imagine it to be, but it’s there. Cry out to Him! Ask Him to open those doors! And, wait for the fulfillment to flow.

And, just for the record – Steven got to plant a potato that spring. It wasn’t much, but my sweet son got to take care of it. And, to him, that was a pretty big deal!

Hospitality Friday

Ladies, school is about to start, whether it be at home or away.

Now is the time to get organized for upcoming holidays and special events. Lets begin with a quick inventory of the necessities:

• tape
• scissors
• markers
• ribbon
  wrapping paper
• glue for glue gun

All of these items are great to be on hand so that unexpected gift will not catch you off guard.

Something I love to give my grandchildren is a picture of each individual one just with myself and grandpa. I will take these pictures throughout the year and then surprise them. They feel so special!

Another idea I love is putting their picture on their gifts – no reading required! They love seeing their picture on their gifts .

The holidays are fast approaching, and now is the time to think about party theme ideas and colors of decorations to be on hunt for. Picture frames are a great gift and can be painted to fit the decor of any home. If your friend or family members follows Pinterest they may have pinned a quote or saying they love. This can be easily painted or printed in a neat font and given as a gift.

We live in a day and time where gift giving can be quite frustrating. Don’t let that happen! Give them something that is from the heart and thoughtful. That is what takes those special days from ordinary to extraordinary. That is really what God does in our life – takes the ordinary and makes us extraordinary for the work He has set before us.

Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:1-2

“I messed up!”

Kids say the darnedest things!

During a church service a few years ago, my husband asked the children to come forward for a children’s time. He gave them each a tattoo that resembled a paint splotch with the colors of black, red, white, green and yellow. These tattoos are much like the ones that could be found in a box of “Cracker Jacks”. He explained that they could only wear the tattoo if they could tell the tattoo’s story. The children seemed to listen intently as he begin to explain each color and what it represented.

The first was the color black. He said, “Black represents sin. Can anyone tell me what sin is?” A little boy about six years old raised his hand and Eric said, “Do you know what sin is?” He replied, “Yes. Sin is killing someone, chopping them into pieces, putting them in a pot, boiling them and then eating them.” Trying not to laugh, Eric smiled and said, “Yes. I believe that would be sin.”

That story is funny but sin is nothing to be passive about. As chosen ones for ministry, what is our true view of sin? Well, sin is anything not as perfect as God. Sin separates us from God. That’s why Jesus came. God loved us so much that he knew a perfect sacrifice had to be made because the sacrifices that had been made prior to Jesus’ earthly birth were not perfect. Jesus was the perfect sacrifice.

The cruel death Jesus endured paid our death penalty. Being in ministry, we can get so busy with ministry activities, sometimes we can forget the sacrifice God gave by giving the world his only perfect Son. The beating, the emotional affliction, the crown of thorns Jesus bore on his brow, the bleeding, and the nails in his hands. Oh, what he endured for us! He was 100% God but also 100% man. He felt all this pain for you and all those who we touch through ministry.

Daily, before we go out and begin do our ministry opportunities, we need to have a clean heart. Maybe it was our mouths that got us in trouble by saying something inappropriate or hurtful. Maybe it was an action that was not a godly attitude. It doesn’t have to be murder or cannibalism. Whatever we do that is unpleasing to God is sin.

I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD,” and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.” Psalm 32:5.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. 1 John 1:9-10.

Be all God called you to be. Acknowledge your indiscretions. Ask for forgiveness. But be ready for Satan to distract you and put things in your path to persuade you to falter. So, as you prepare to step out in the daily ministry life, don’t forget the sacrifice Jesus made for you and the world, spend time asking God to forgive, tell Him, “I messed up,” cleanse your heart, and prepare your day to be a “light in the darkness.”

What We Do For…Love…and…Ministry!!

This post by Susie Thompson was originally published on the former Arkansas Ministers’ Wives blog on April 16, 2010.

The month of May, 2009, took my husband, Jeff, with a group from our association, to the unreached people group of the Pare’ Mountains in Tanzania. Upon his return, he decided that a good a reminder – for himself and for our churches – to pray for the Pare’ people was to NOT SHAVE until there are 5 churches planted and 100 baptized believers. Now, hear me say, I desperately love and support my best friend and lover more than I can put into words, and I think he is breathtakingly handsome with or without a beard. He is truly an amazing example of faith, vision, godliness, and love! But, as the months passed, and he and I both longed for the razor, we have laughed about the things we do sometimes in the name of ministry. Just think for a minute – pies in the face at VBS, hair dyed wild colors, kissing pigs…..I’m sure you have several you are adding in your head!

Now, I’m not knockin’ those of you who feel differently about beards, but I was ready to kiss Jeff’s clean shaven face!! It definitely reminded me to pray for the Pare’! More importantly, it reminded me that there are people all over the world who understand much better than I do what it means to sacrifice in the name of Jesus!

But, there is another thing I’m reminded of. Seeing Jeff’s desire and willingness to love and serve God and His people only mirrors and magnifies his love for me. It reminds me that there is an earthly, God-ordained relationship for which I will do anything to PREVENT from being sacrificed at the hands of our human ministry efforts and anything or anyone else – and that is my marriage (and my family).

In answering my youthful question of “How can I be a good pastor’s wife?” a very wise woman in my life answered, “By marrying the right pastor!” What a blessing you and I have in our husbands. Let’s commit together to pray for our marriages and our families, and to uphold each other in protecting and growing them! Because of our life in Christ, we truly should be THE BEST examples of the phrase “Live, Laugh, & Love!!” What can you do this next week to surprise and show your husband your love for him, and to bring laughter into your home? Let’s get creative and intentional!

Susie Thompson is wife to Jeff and mother to their two sons Hunter and Tyler.  She loves worship, she plays and sings, loves to read, and mostly just loves being with her family.

Influence

Do you wonder what your influence is in your husbands ministry?

I didn’t for a long time. I tend to live on a bubble! And then I had a bit of a conflict with a deacons wife in a church and saw it reach further than just the two of us. People began to talk. I had to intentionally and consistently be on guard and more importantly, be in the Word.

When I realized who was talking and who was being affected, I realized that teenage girls were watching me.

Now let me tell you, I had a terrific pastors wife when I was a child. She was the quintessential pastors wife. Perfection. Well, I thought so anyway. Now I know from experience that she probably had some flaws. I so wish I could talk to her and glean wisdom from her. The pastors wife when I was in college was so very different. She wore black jeans and t shirts on Sunday nights. Unheard of back in the day.

Both of these women made an impression on me. Their way of interacting with people, their attendance at church, their children, their countenance. All of it made an impression on me.

During my little conflict I remembered these women and how I thought of them. And that made me think about how people were looking at me. To some people looking at us we may be the only Christian woman they think they know. They assume we are quite spiritual because of our husbands position. I just read an article about a ministers’ wife who wrote an article and was critical of their denomination. Her husbands job is on the line because of her actions.

We are individuals. In most cases we don’t hold a paid position at our churches. Our calling is different than our husbands is. But we have influence. I pray that mine is a godly influence, one that only speaks well of the Lord and His church.

Link Friday

Here’s a post from a pastor’s wife to those who are not in the ministry.

20 Things Every Pastor’s Wife Wants You to Know About Her

What do you think?

Do you agree with the list? Disagree?

What might you add?

For those of you whose husbands are in ministry roles other than “pastor,” what would you add or change?

Honeysuckles

The familiar smell of honeysuckle this time of year takes me back to my childhood days. Sometimes I long for those carefree days of playing until the sun goes down and not worrying about anything. I grew up in Townsend Tennessee, just a few miles from the Great Smoky Mountains. We lived in Pigpen Holler, almost a mile from the main road where we had to walk down to catch the school bus. When I was in grade school (aka, elementary school), we would get our report cards in the mail a few days after school was out. My brother, sister, and I would walk down to meet the mailman and get our report cards. While we were waiting, we would play with other kids who lived close by. The bank near the road was covered with honeysuckle vines, and we would pull the flowers and suck the sweet nectar. I always loved that wonderful smell!!

A few years ago I was having a particularly hard week at work. It seemed trouble was coming from every direction and nothing was being accomplished. One afternoon I’d had about all I could stand and decided to go outside and cool off before I did or said something I would regret. (Yes, we ministers’ wives get to that point occasionally!) When I stepped outside in the warm sunshine, I began to smell a familiar fragrance. As I followed the smell, memories of days gone by began to flood my mind and the stress began to slip away. It felt as if God were wrapping me in His arms, carrying me through His garden of honeysuckle and assuring me that He was still in control. Such a peace came over me as I felt His presence. I tore off a branch of honeysuckle and took back to my office and placed it on my desk as a reminder of His love and care. The smell didn’t last long, but every time I saw the dried branch, I remembered the sweetness of that moment and the smell of God reminding me that His arms were always open and He would be there to carry me through every trial. I just needed to wait on Him! (“Be still and KNOW that I am God….”Psalm 46:10)

The past year has been tough for me in unusual ways and I’ve been very “dry.” Once again, He has shown Himself through my love of this particular fragrance. It has been an especially aromatic honeysuckle season here in East Tennessee. One spot beside the interstate near our town has several miles of honeysuckle vines that give off that sweet fragrance as I travel past them. Recently as I was going to pick up our grandbabies for a few days, I so enjoyed that aroma. On my way back home, however, I passed a chemical company that smelled overwhelmingly pungent that morning. I longed to get back to where I could smell the sweet honeysuckle. In that moment, I realized I needed that in my relationship with God, as well. Our everyday lives are sweet one moment and the next moment Satan throws something at us that turns our world upside down. Or maybe it’s just life circumstances that happen and there is no explanation or reasoning to be found. I’m learning afresh that “My God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4: 19) I’m also learning that, most often, He does it in some of the most simple and loving ways that may only be meaningful to me. We are all unique! I’m glad He knows us so well that the little things to us become BIG things when he showers us with them!

As ministers’ wives we are often too busy to notice those special gifts from God. I challenge you to stop just a minute today and see what God will do. What “little” thing does God shower you with to let you know He’s still there?

Pat Brown currently resides in Newport, TN. Her husband Horace, is Director of Missions for the East Tennessee Baptist Association. They have three daughters; Valeria, Linda & Leandra and a son; Nick. They have three granddaughters and three grandsons who are the light of their lives, as well as a great-grandson. Click here to read more about Pat.

Insecurity

This post by Judy Martin was originally published on the former Arkansas Ministers’ Wives blog on April 13, 2010.

Spring has officially arrived in our neck of the woods bringing a seemingly “step-up” in activities at church. We are having a spring revival, making plans for VBS, planning for a mission trip to Nicaragua and an M-FUGE trip for our youth. I am looking forward to not only all of these but personally I am preparing to keep my 15 month old granddaughter while my daughter (and many girlfriends) fly to Atlanta to see and hear Beth Moore speak regarding her new book, SO LONG INSECURITY.

Not wanting to feel left out on the subject of the insecurity women feel in their lives, I also began to read her new book. Truthfully, I am only halfway through the book but it didn’t take me long to determine that every woman HAS suffered or IS suffering from chronic insecurity in one form or another. I would dare say that ministry wives, in general, fight insecurity on many levels in their places of service. Beth writes how we struggle with our looks, our relationships, our futures and everything in between.

One of the illustrations related in Beth’s book really touched me. She and her daughter were sitting in a doctor’s waiting room as Beth was getting a follow-up test for a suspicious mammogram. While sitting there reading brochures about every imaginable cancer, her daughter says to her, “Life is brutal.” Beth agreed and then her daughter said to her what Beth thought was a profound statement: ” He knows it’s scary to be us.”

Yes, He does! Because of what He did for us on the cross, He knows all our fears and all our insecurities.

Well, I’ve not completed the book yet, but I’m sure Beth will offer many Godly ways we can overcome the many insecurities of our lives. Of course, we know our “overcomer” is the Lord and His Word.

If you are struggling today with feelings of inadequacy or insecurity there are hundreds of references in God’s Word which God speaks to those feelings. Here are just a few to encourage you today!

The Lord is your security. He will keep your foot from being caught in a trap. Proverb 3:26

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Cor. 12:9

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God. Psalm 20:7

Judy Martin is a retired special education teacher and pastor’s wife with two grown children, a wonderful son-in-law and beautiful daughter-in-law, and three precious granddaughters! They have two dogs, live in the country where the deer are free to roam and quiet is the sound they hear!