Stop!

Do you ever just want to stop and do nothing? Because it is so ingrained in our stubborn minds and lifestyles that we have to keep going, we rarely feel able to just stop. I struggle with this greatly. I need to be doing something. I’m learning, though. I’m growing in my ability to stop more regularly. I’m learning just how bad it is to push so hard that life flies by in a blur. I still have a long way to go, but here are a few tricks I have adopted to force me to slow down.

• Choose to snuggle. I’ve never been one to play well with children. Even when I was a child, I preferred a good book to play. So, I have a very hard time playing with my children. But, I love to snuggle. Sometimes I just make myself sit down with one of my children, even the ones that feel much too big for my lap!
• Schedule date times. Notice the “times.” Date time with a spouse is usually pretty obvious, but what about the kids? We often schedule those date times sporadically. Even if they are regular, they might not be frequent.
  • Once a week the kids are banished to their rooms no later than 7:00, and I spend an evening with my husband. We rarely go out, but we enjoy some activity at home. Whatever we do, I do not pull out my knitting bag or my phone or any other distraction. And this isn’t a “kids are grown” activity either. We started this when our children were five, three, and three months. In six and a half years we have rarely missed a week, even if we had to move our time to a night other than the scheduled Friday night. Our children have learned what date night means for Mommy and Daddy, and we protect that time with great intentionality.
  • Each week I also set aside three thirty-minute time slots for date times with my children. Obviously, as a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom, I spend more time with them than that each week, but those time slots are very intentional. Each child gets my undivided attention and does not have to share me at all during that time.
• Make myself __________. The blank might be filled with reading, sewing, writing, napping, or whatever. If it’s about me and my enjoyment, I have a tendency to put it off. I read for the kids’ school, but not for my relaxation. I sew obligatory projects while my own projects sit unfinished. I write for work, but not for my own enjoyment. I skip a nap because the day’s schedule is tight. Sometimes I have to make myself just slow down and do something unrequired! It often takes a bit of trickiness. For example, I became a reviewer to get myself back into reading. I make it a point to pick books that I want to read, but the review schedule makes me actually take the time to do it. Even though it’s technically required, it still ends up refueling me. And the more I have gotten back into the habit of reading, the more I have done it for my own enjoyment.
• Don’t schedule every single moment. In fact, I have to plan unscheduled times. Then I have to be okay with doing nothing.

And now, after working on a day when I would have greatly preferred to do nothing, I’m off to enjoy some down time with my family. Then, I’ll sew a bit. And then I just might go to bed early. Yep, that sounds pretty good to me!

How can you intentionally stop over the course of the next week?

Voice Recognition

This post by Karen Jordan was originally published on the former Arkansas Ministers’ Wives blog on August 29, 2011.

My sheep recognize my voice. I know them, and they follow me. ( John 10:25 MSG)

As I listen to the birds singing their songs every morning, I wish I could distinguish one bird from another. I identify the honking geese as they fly over the lake, and I hear the woodpecker as he raps for his meal. I can see the difference between a robin and a sparrow, but I can’t tell them apart by their voices.

My husband Dan can recognize the voices of several birds. He knows the robin’s sweet song, and he is familiar with the squawking blue jay. He can even point out the mimicking mockingbird. So, I’m trying to learn a few voice recognition tips from him.

I struggle with the same issue in my spiritual life at times. Is this the voice of conviction or condemnation? Will I let faith lead me, or will I be confused and distracted by fear? Does this voice speak life or death to my heart? Does it give me direction or cause me to dwell on the impossible mistakes of the past?

And I’ve discovered a few tips for recognizing God’s Voice when I’m confused.

1. Communicate with God. “Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns” (Philippians 4:6).

2. Examine God’s Word. In John 10:14, Jesus says, “”I am the Good Shepherd. I know my own sheep and my own sheep know me.”

God’s Word also promises, “(His) sheep recognize (His) voice. (He knows) them, and they follow (Him). (He gives) them real and eternal life … No one can steal them from out of (His) hand” (27-29).

3. Allow God to examine your heart. “Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I’m about; See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong-then guide me on the road to eternal life” (Psalm 139:23-24).

4. Embrace the power of Christ in you. “…Those who enter into Christ’s being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud. A new power is in operation. The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death” (Romans 8:1-2).

Sometimes I become distracted from God’s voice by the worries and stress of everyday life. Yet when I choose to focus on God’s Word, listening for His still, small voice, I find truth and peace for my troubled heart and mind.

As I listened to the chorus of birds singing this morning, I still could not tell one species from another. But in my spirit I knew that I was listening to a symphony of praise to our Creator. “Let every living, breathing creature praise God! Hallelujah!” (Psalm 150:6)

Photos/KarenJordan

What distracts you from hearing God’s Voice?

Not Quite Like Me

One of my good friends is a preacher’s wife. We met when we were put on the same associational committee. Our children were young, and we didn’t see each other except for our monthly meetings for the first couple years of knowing each other.

I knew she wasn’t like me. Sure, we had similarities. We had four children. Our husbands were pastors, and we are roughly the same age. But the similarities ended there.

She is a very structured, routined, detailed person. I am fairly routined, not a bit detailed, and structured only when it comes to a baby’s schedule and our school schedule. Our personalities are totally different.

I could compare myself to her as a preacher’s wife. She is timely with praise, condolences, cards, and kindness. I am not. She is a really awesome preacher’s wife.

But you know what? So am I! I am not always timely with the things she is. But I love the people in my church. I love on them. I invest my life in theirs, and so does she. I feel honored that God chose this life for me.

Please don’t compare yourself to any other minister’s wife. It’s not that one may be a better PW than you, it just might be that your talents and abilities are different. And God can use us all. With our flaws, imperfections, and our strengths.

God has you in this position on purpose. He wants to use you to further His kingdom. You! Not someone else. You! Just as you are, with all the help He has to give. Serve well, and serve as only you can!

Hospitality Friday

This month we are going to plan our first event and it begins with five simple words:  who, what, where, when, and why. All of these words will need to be addressed in order to have a successful event. No we are not taking Ann’s job, but the same principals in writing a good paper need to be applied when planning a special event.

Let’s take father’s day, for example. We already know the “who” (Dad). Now lets explore the rest of the “W” gang. What is it we are going to do? Maybe a picnic or BBQ. Maybe a fiesta with a taco eating contest. See how fun this can be to plan? But keep in mind if your dad is like Phil on duck dynasty he probably won’t want an elegant dinner with china. Know the man in your life and what he would enjoy.

The next “W” is where,  the venue is very important. It may be a quiet spot or in the park or a NASCAR race. Whatever it is, have fun.

The next is when. We already know that, so chose the time for all to attend.

The why is next. The question is simple: Why is dad so special?  Because he is a perfect Picture of our heavenly Father. Just as we are to give our Heavenly Father honor, so should we also honor our earthly father. God didn’t institute Father’s Day but He did institute fathers. So let’s give our dad or husband that respect and honor this one day.
Making a simple elegant dinner is the answer to why because he is a special and gift from our heavenly Father. This dinner can be elegant and simple. Give the Lord thanks most importantly and then Honor the leader God has given you. Have a simple and elegant day with Dad.

Need a decoration idea? This chandelier is made from recycled jars and a plant hanger. 
The cost is very minimal. The door can be purchased at your local habitat store for $10. Legs can be purchased at your local hardware store.

Do you have hospitality questions for Shiela? Is there anything specific you would like her to share? Be sure to leave a comment below!

A Gift of Beauty

As she cut hair with precision, conversations were of family, friends and church. She was a very unique woman who had raised three boys as a single mom. To be able to take care of her sons and work, she had converted her side porch into a beauty shop. Walking in the screened door, there were always two to three clients she would be working on at a time. Her clientèle never tired of waiting because they knew when they left the shop, they would look and feel more beautiful.

As she washed my hair that day, we talked of community events and church life. Being a beautician in a small town, she practically knew everyone and everything that took place around the area. No matter what the subject, she always gave an affirmative nod as to say, “I know.” Our conversation led to a deep concern for a young lady that had been attending my SS class. The young lady’s family was struggling financially, and on the Sunday before she mentioned to me her desire for a make-over for an upcoming job interview. I wanted to somehow help her receive a boost of confidence as she searched for a new job.

As I told my beautician, LaVaun, about her and the idea of a metamorphosis, she stopped combing my hair, came around and looked me in the face and said, “You’re are a wonderful pastor’s wife. I love how you observe people needs. Thanks for being real and approachable.” I smiled back and with apprehensiveness said, “Thank you”. I felt complimented but realized I was being observed. I was once again reminded that as a minister’s wife’s every movement can be watched and every word taken to heart. In ministry life, the fear of being “real” can cause missed ministry opportunities and block impacting and seeing a life changed. I didn’t want to allow that to happen this time.

As LaVaun continued to style my hair, she and I began to arrange for my new friend’s makeover. My heart filled with excitement as this caring beautician offered to cut the cost in half and be ministry partner in this endeavor. LaVaun promised to keep our secret and make a gift certificate that could be given to her from my SS class. In the days that followed this young woman received a well paying job, continued to attend church, and began to reflect not only the outward beauty but the beauty that comes from knowing a Savior. This wasn’t about helping her show outward beauty, it was about meeting her at her point of need. As a minister’s wife, I pray my words and actions can be “real”, see other’s needs and in the process direct others to the “real” and only true God, Jesus.

Three Men and Me

This post by Vickie Lee was originally published on the former Arkansas Ministers’ Wives blog on April 20, 2012.

I had the privilege of raising three men – my husband and our two sons (now grown and married). Now for those of you who are so blessed to live in a testosterone filled home you will understand where I am heading. For those of you who do not, just sit back and enjoy the ride.

My guys are great and I love them dearly. One of the benefits of living with a household of men is that you can learn some very important lessons. For instances, I received private sports lessons. Do you know the difference between a kicker and a punter? Do you know where the short stop position is in baseball? The only thing I understand about basketball is that you are supposed to get the ball in the basket. The guys completely gave up teaching me about golf. I mean what is the fun in hitting a white ball around in the grass? Even though I do not understand the sport, I love hockey because at any given moment a fight can break out. (Sorry girls, that is just one of the hazards of living in an all-male household).

Another thing my guys have taught me is that vanity is a sin. They think it is pretty cool when I can wash and dry my hair, put on makeup, and get dressed in under thirty minutes. (Yes, I have been timed). I cannot expect them to wait around on me when the sporting event starts in two hours. Seriously girls, did you know it is a must that you arrive two hours early at a baseball game in order to find your seat, get a program and watch batting practice?

Cooking is another important lesson I have learned. I am not a great chef. I now know that it is not good when the smoke alarm goes off every time I am in the kitchen. Blackened does not mean burned. If there is food on the table and it is not burned they are thankful. In addition, you always have a full pantry and refrigerator plus double portions at meals because at some point in the day there will be an extra buddy at the table. You might even find a kitchen full of football/baseball jocks grazing in the pantry or refrigerator.

When living with men humor is another lesson you will learn. My men make fun of me when I cry at sad movies or a dog food commercial. They have even “sang” along with the Sound of Music until I just cried with laughter. They have mocked one of my favorite movies, Steel Magnolias, and promise that my grandmother name will be Weezer. It was their hobby in life to hide behind doors or in closets and jump out to scare me. I cannot tell you how many times I have “entertained” my boys when I pulled back the sheets on the bed and found a rubber snake planted there. Even writing this makes me giggle. Boy, I do miss my sons being at home. Now it is my husband’s job to make me laugh.

The most important lesson I have learned is to pray for my family. First, I pray for my husband who is a pastor. Satan is constantly tries to discourage our husbands. I pray daily that God will shield Ricky from Satan’s attacks. I ask God daily to give my husband wisdom and integrity as well. Secondly, I pray for my sons. My oldest is a Captain in the Air Force and oversees several hundred men daily. He, in addition, is married and a new father. I pray that his family will be shining examples for Christ wherever his career takes him. My youngest son is a newlywed and lives in Bryant. This couple is just starting out together on life’s journey. I pray for them as a couple to keep Jesus in the center of their marriage and that they too will be examples for Christ in the world.

Yes, God allowed me to live with three men in order to teach me some very important lessons in life.

Enjoy your family.

Vanity is not pretty-just be yourself.

Provide for your family and have an open door for others.

Laughter IS the best medicine

Prayer is the only way to keep Satan at a distance.

So girlfriends, what lessons have you learned from your family? Please share in the comments!

SUNDAY MORNING SLOW DOWN

I’m often guilty of walking too fast through a crowd.

My fast paced mental agenda brain feels like those old pinball machines.  As soon as the church doors open, I’m the pinball that has been launched out of the narrow passageway bumping into this person (ding), talk to that person (ding), hug those two people (ding, ding).

There are no bells for others to hear, but in my mind the dings are audible voices of  “you’ve talked long enough, now go on to the next person.”  As if the more people I hug and talk to the more points I score.

I think many ministry wives feel a tug of “I should be talking to everyone.”  Whether you’re type A and hyperactive about it, or Type B and intimidated by it, we all feel that sense of responsibility.

One Sunday, I grew tired of the sentences that began with ” I know you’re busy but…”, or “I know you don’t have much time, but….”  Face to face conversations began to feel like tweets. They had to happen in 15 words or less. I felt guilty that people felt like they had to be short and quick with me.

One Sunday I decided to stop!
I know it’s not profound, but at first it felt awkward. I looked around. Of course I’m always “looking around.” That’s my “job” right? To find that guest who needs a hand shake? But this time it was different.

I found a lady I half knew and went and sat by her. I didn’t sit on the edge of the chair as if I might have to get up soon.  I sat down as if it was a reprieve to be still by someone for a moment. As if she were my oasis.

We began to talk. Genuinely. I didn’t know her well, but we talked about her kids. We talked about my kids. For 3 minutes we shared life.

And it was different. It wasn’t the typical pastors-wife-how-are-you-glad-you’re-here-today conversation as I moved quickly past. I was all there. With her. In the moment.

I found when my ministry pace shifted, a place in my heart and mind shifted.

• My heart shifted from feeling like all eyes are on me, to having eyes for the crowd.
• My mind shifted from “I’m one of the important people in the room” to conveying to others their importance.
• It was a place of genuine Ministry, not pinball bounce here and there ministry; and it felt good. To both of us.

The next Sunday I decided to try the 3-minute sit-down again. As I sat talking, I noticed the lady I spoke with last week, get up and go sit by someone else. And she has done it several time since.

I wonder.

I know that speaking to many people on a Sunday is important. But, what would happen if every Sunday I sat down for a 3 minute convo with someone? Kind of a less is more. I’m still experimenting on the long-term results, but I do know this – it has produced a few more rich conversations and less scattered ones.  It slowed down my ministry pace.  And I’ve watched others reproduce the same.

Your Turn!

The writers on A Common Bond share a bit of themselves in every post. You can read about them on the Meet Our Writers page, and you can catch glimpses into their hearts, personalities, and lives. But the purpose of this blog is not simply for a handful of writers to give you a glimpse into their lives. The purpose is for us to become a community that interacts and gets to know each other!

So, let’s start that today. Will you let us get to know you? It’s not hard. Just slip on down to the comments and share your name, where your family ministers, what your husband’s ministry role is, and a little about yourself and/or your family. Your favorite food. What you enjoy doing. A funny story about yourself. It doesn’t matter! Just let us get to know you! Don’t worry – we’re hungry, but we don’t bite. Our hunger is for fellowship with you. For getting to know you.

And once you break that commenting ice today, be sure to come back and chat with us some more! We want to converse with you and really get to know you better!

Be Still and Know That I Am God

As I prepared to go to India for the birth of my granddaughter, I began to pray about my
time spent there. Although my purpose for the trip was to help with my two year old
grandson and any other way that I might help my daughter, I felt there should be a more
spiritual purpose for my trip as well. I knew that I would have some down time when
our little man was napping and sleeping and I was determined that it would not be wasted
time.

As a church planter and the wife of a minister I know there is always something that must
be done. Our lives are usually full to overflowing. At any time I could write a list of a
half dozen things that could command my attention. I think I was approaching this trip
with the same mentality.

The work of developing a plan for women’s discipleship is heavy upon my heart. I knew
that I could take some time while I was there to study and pray through some of this plan.
I also have a Bible study that I intend to lead for some ladies in our church. I thought this
would be the perfect time to preview the content. As I boarded the plane, I felt sure that
God was going to use my time to grow and study every moment possible and my waking
hours would be full.

Lastly, I decided that even though this would not be a mission trip, per say, that I might
be able to develop a personal relationship with someone in the five weeks that I had, to
whom I could impart Jesus. I left the US with anticipation of accomplishing much for the
Kingdom.

Days flew by and turned into weeks. I was so discouraged. Although I had searched
scripture and found a basic understanding of where to begin with discipleship, I hadn’t
worked on developing anything of a plan. I hadn’t even opened the Bible study. I had
met a few people, but no personal relationship had grown out of our meeting. I was
beginning to feel that I was wasting my free time, little as it actually was.

“Be still and know that I am God” was boldly printed on the wall that leads to my room.
One day as I was listening to some praise music and praying in the quietness of my room,
these words flashed before my eyes. In the stillness of that moment, God whispered to
my heart, “This is your gift from me. This time is yours to spend with your children
who have sacrificed their lives for My sake. I want you to know your grandson. I love
you, this much.” And I believed Him. While spiritual work is good and was my plan for
those weeks, God had a better plan. It was His gift to us – to be together, to share life for
a short while, to get to know each other…to have time to “Be still”.

At that point I stopped “working” and accepted His gift of being with my children and
cherishing every moment of his love lavished upon me.

A Random Reminder

This post by Susie Thompson was originally published on the former Arkansas Ministers’ Wives blog on April 8, 2010.

Returning home from a Praise Team mission trip to Debrecen, Hungary, the Lord hit me in the face with one of the lessons He had been teaching our team. We had seen His Faithfulness and His Grace in, through, and IN SPITE OF us! There is something amazing about worshiping with the Nations, as well as having some see, for the first time, how believing in and worshiping Jesus is truly life changing! The book of James led us to be aware of our tongues – both what should NOT come out of our mouths, and what SHOULD! We were constantly aware of the fact that we were being watched in EVERYTHING we did. You’ve been there – you ARE there! We had amazing boldness and freedom in literally every activity, every day!

Arriving at the airport to board our first flight home, a man grew very frustrated with the size of our group and where we were standing – we were in his way at the check-in counter, and he let us know that. I can’t explain the anger that grew in me, and the things that wanted to roll off of my tongue! In God’s humor, this man ended up on the same flight, still very agitated with us. In fact, he ended up sitting right behind me, right beside one of our group who was unaware of what had previously taken place. I was handing out gum to several around me, and all of a sudden God pricked my heart – you know how that goes – and I knew I had to do it. ‘Really, Lord?’ After all, this man literally glared at me as I took my seat, he intentionally hit one of our team with his jacket as he was stowing away his bag. But, yes, it was obvious what I had to do – and, I actually listened this time…….I turned around and offered him a piece of gum. He paused, looked at me, looked down, then back up in my eyes and said, “Yes, I would – thank you very much.” He then proceeded to ask our team member sitting next to him about our group and our purpose. His attitude immediately changed for the rest of the trip – as did mine.

Ministry Wives, many times you and I are the ones who feel the brunt of people’s anger – especially when it’s focused on our husbands, and most especially when God is at work! However, we are also blessed to see firsthand the most amazing transformations in lives because of Jesus. It seems to me in ministry that sometimes our husbands are “in the way” of this person’s agenda, or that person’s motivations. Though I don’t believe any of us should allow people to truly abuse us, let us never forget that the most random act of kindness in the middle of a stressful situation can soothe, and can open the door for Jesus to be lifted up! God reminded me to keep my tongue “in check,” to always be aware of who needs Jesus around me, and to always be willing to step outside my comfort zone with boldness in order to allow HIM to be seen! I pray God works “in spite of” you in a way this week that forces you to depend on Him even more and to share Him boldly – we are where God placed us for nothing less than this!

Susie Thompson is wife to Jeff and mother to their two sons Hunter and Tyler.   She loves worship, she plays and sings, loves to read, and mostly just loves being with her family.