The Other Guy

Have you ever had one of those moments when you look at your husband and wonder, Who is this man I have married? It could be while sitting across the table from each other, sharing the bathroom in the morning, or just sitting in your recliners reading and you happen to look up and just stare at him. It usually happens like this for me: I will be in the kitchen deciding what to cook for supper, cleaning so I can cook said supper, looking at the kids’ papers from school, thinking about something pertaining to church all at the same time (bad idea) and I happen to look up and see him. He will be sitting at the computer or at the counter reading something or working on something or doing something else ordinary and I do a double take. I think to myself, “Who is this man?”

Let me explain….

Sometimes being married to a minister can feel like being married to two different men at the same time. For instance there is The Minister – the man who does all the lofty, holy, awe-inspiring works for God in whatever ministry God has called him too. Then there is The Other Guy – the guy you fell in love with.  Being ministers’ wives we see our husbands fulfilling the role of The Minister so often that when we are alone with them we sometimes forget The Other Guy exists. Granted you can’t have one without the other but you can’t support the one while forsaking the other either. It is a package deal, two sides of the same coin.

This “double take” moment happened to me a couple of weeks ago. In the midst of me being caught up in the busyness of being a minister’s wife/mother/friend/mentor I glanced up and there he was just being himself. I had to just stop and stare. I made myself really look at the man God had given to me. I thought about when we first met, the things we did for fun, the places we would go, what we would talk about, how we were so young and naive (still are) yet excited about what God had in store for us. It was during this time of reminiscing that I realized something. I had been treating him as The Minister since he walked in the door. How dreadful! We are told in Luke 6:31 to do to others as you would have them do to you. I don’t know about you but I would NOT be happy if my husband expected me to be The Minister’s Wife all the time (I don’t think he would be either). It sounds absurd to even think about.

Don’t get me wrong. There are times when we need to treat our husbands as The Minister. I would never walk up to him during meet and greet time in the church lobby and plant a big kiss right smack on his lips. There is a time and place for everything. One thing I have discovered though is you can’t love The Minister if you don’t first love The Other Guy. And The Other Guy is who we all fell in love with in the beginning. My husband was already a preacher when we met. However I didn’t fall for the preacher. I fell for him. Titus 2:4 tells us to love our husbands. I think if asked we would all say we love our husbands but when is the last time you really saw him as the guy you fell in love with and treated him as such? Dreams, hobbies, and/or goals might have changed or been adapted but he is still the same man. Take a moment this week to really see your husbands, beyond just The Minister. Spend some time with The Other Guy, even if it is just a trip to Wal-Mart. Minister to The Minister by loving The Other Guy. You will both be happy that you did. And while you are at it plant a big kiss right smack on his lips…….just not in the church lobby (unless it is empty).