Survival Tips from Sisters in the Ministry

Here are some fun tips for you to ponder as ministers’ wives. Let me know what you think about them or if you have a few more tips to share, leave them in the comment section.

*Find someone you can talk to–either another staff wife or a friend outside the church, preferably not in your area. (You do not want to bad mouth your church to someone from another church in your area.) Sometimes you need someone to VENT to especially when your children are driving you nuts.

*Learn to say NO!!! Only be involved in what God is leading you to do and what you feel passionate about.

*Find a prayer partner. It does not have to be the same person you confide in but just someone you can pray with on a regular basis. Requests do not always have to be specific.

*Be a servant. “A good minister’s wife needs to get in there and work! She should not sit back on her ‘throne’ so to speak, and expect to be waited on.” It is important that ministers’ wives use her unique gifts and skills to minister in the church.

*A fellow pastor’s wife shares this per Mrs. Adrian Rogers: “Treat your husband like a king and he will treat you like a queen.” You are your husband’s biggest supporter (cheerleader). Mrs. Rogers also stated that “we should never expect our husbands to meet all our needs. Expect God to meet them as stated in Phil. 4:19, so when your husband meets a need it is icing on the cake.”

*Do not overload yourself on church responsibilities. Your family needs you too.

*Sit in different places in the worship service so you can get to know more ladies. This tip may help keep you from being accused of having “favorite friends” even though we all have them in the church. (A bit of humor: by sitting in different areas of the service, if you get tired of hearing your husband’s same sermon you can visit the church down the street and no one will miss you because no one knows where you sit.)

*Become friends with the “silent people.” These are people who are quiet and usually stay in the background. They need a friend and will usually be loyal friends.

*Take care of yourself emotionally and physically. Find things to do that you enjoy doing and will help you distance yourself from your church, your work, and the pressures of your family. (Ex. read, sew, take walks)

*A bit of humor: When someone is sharing “stuff” with you and you don’t want to let them know that you know more about the situation than they do, just say “Really?” or “I didn’t realize that.” These simple statements will keep you out of hot water.

*Be yourself. It is okay for the people to see you laugh, cry, wear jeans and sweats, act goofy, etc. We ARE human with a wide range of emotions. We are UNIQUE by God’s design.

Link Friday: Homeschool Link & Question

A fellow minister’s wife shared this link. It’s a free homeschool program! What a blessing for ministry families!

Easy Peasy–All in One Homeschool!

Another minister’s wife asked for a link offering tips, advice, and practical ideas for organizing and executing meaningful classes & events with only a few people or a wide range of ages in one group. Has anyone run across a link like this? If so, please share!

Are there any links you’d like to see on Link Friday? Any links you’d like to share with everyone else? Please share them with us in the comments! Thanks!

Best Pastor’s Wife Advice Ever!

I still quote the pastor’s wife advice I was given 22 years ago.  It was simple and sage.

Sitting in a hair salon, I watched the seasoned pastor’s wife next to me get her Aqua-Net hair teased and set in rollers. She was in her polyester skirt, and I was in my shorts. I was convinced we were nothing alike, but I still needed some insight into this pastor’s wife gig. Somehow my naive self was convinced I could do this pastor’s wife thing better than the generation before me. (Funny how all generations think that.) All I needed was a little intel.

So I popped the PW question. The same question I now get asked by young women marrying that ministry man. “What advice would you give someone going into the ministry?”

The quickness of her answer surprised me. I had expected her to give some methodical thought to my question, or at least the spiritual courtesy of praying about it and getting back with me.

Speaking in her southern accent over the hum of the bowl shaped dryer on top of her head, she said, “Sometimes you need to be like rubber and sometimes you need to be a sponge.”

In the pause, I stared at her blankly trying to decipher the meaning of this code.

Then she added, “Sometimes you need be rubber and let things bounce off of you and sometimes you need to be a sponge and know what to soak up.”

That was it.

That was it?

I was not real happy with my new advice. My only advice. It was a small town and she was the only pastor’s wife I knew to ask.

NOW, I find myself quoting her!

The Sundays when it feels like everyone’s opinions add up to overly critical expressions that define my very existence and identity…RUBBER! I’ve learned to let it bounce off.

The Sundays when I’m depleted and God puts someone in my path to help me…SPONGE. Although, I’ll admit my first internal response is to be in tough “ministry mode” and think I don’t need help or encouragement, or feel guilty if I do receive it. On these days I’ve learned to be a SPONGE and soak in the love and help of others that God has put around me.

The Sundays that seem tense when my husband has received some pushback from a staff member or advice from that well meaning deacon…SPONGE and RUBBER! Sometimes even the hard to hear things have some hidden truth. So, I ask myself, is there any truth here that I need to soak up? (or my husband needs to soak up and I don’t need to be defensive) I find the truth, absorb it, and let the rest of it bounce off.

What advice were you given that has you’ve carried with you into ministry? OR what advice would you give a young woman entering into this unique role?

Dear Young Pastor’s Wife

Dear young pastor’s wife,

You should know that no one can really prepare you for marrying a pastor. Learning to be selfless is something no one can really teach. It looks different in everyone’s life. Played out in sacrificing couple time. Some nights it might be in finding a sitter when you’d rather snuggle as a family. Possibly in hearing the ringing of the cell phone all hours of the day. Maybe in uttering, “Okay!” with a genuine tone when your husband calls suddenly with a change of plans.

Loving people is hard work. As Christians we are all called to love but especially here in Arkansas. Here tight in the belt buckle of the Bible belt. People rely so heavily on their “pastor” for all kinds of things and at the drop of a hat. You will not always keep your sanity. Be real with people. It is impossible to be a “good example”.  You are not Jesus. People don’t need you to be Jesus in their lives. They need you to be real. A real friend. A real mom. A real wife. Approachable. Tangible. Messy. Transparent.

Some days just suck. Don’t pretend they don’t. But don’t sit in those days. Push past. Move forward. Broaden your world view.

Like a single child focused on only herself, we can so easily feel like EVERYTHING is a life or death decision. Everything could make or break our day. Our week. Our month. Look outside the walls of your home. Don’t hunker down and become self-consumed. Remember, family can become an idol if your are not careful.

Being the wife of a pastor is a calling understood by few. So many in our churches need your husbands, but you need them so much, too. There is a fine balance between the two. Some days you will feel like you get the short end and its guaranteed that some days church members feel like they are getting the raw end of the deal.

Don’t serve everywhere. Or anywhere you don’t feel called. Just because there’s a need doesn’t mean you need to fill it. It won’t be successful. Fulfilling. Or redeemed by someone who is called to do it as long as you are sitting in a position where you shouldn’t be.

Don’t become obsessed with “you time” but do find something. Somewhere. You need adult time. By yourself. Without your husband. Do it. Consistently. And don’t think it has to be church related. It could be as disconnected as it needs to be (without sin involved ;)). If bowling is your thing, enjoy it, build relationships, minister there. Wanna make a quilt? Sew, chat, and love on people in that way. Your entire family will be healthier for it.

Learning to be selfless. No one can ever prepare you for that!

~wise 24-year-old pastors wife of 2 years.