Tell Him

Last month I shared some general statements of encouragement for new ministers’ wives. This month I want to share a few more that relate directly to that beautiful relationship between husband and wife. Here goes…

As newly weds, learn to fight. Don’t wait for years. Fight through the feelings you have with your husband! Guys are not built the same as we are. They don’t see our feelings as we do in one another. They need you to tell them. Speaking openly with your husband, in a private setting, is not being unsubmissive. He loves you. His calling is to his family first. He can’t protect, provide, and prosper with you if he doesn’t know you. Know how you really feel. Help him understand you with strong honest words. Yet graceful words.

Tell him. Tell him you feel lonely in the new town. Lonely at the new church. Lonely at home by yourself. Lonely at home with your kids. Lonely sitting in service. Lonely at the women’s event when all you get is shallow conversation or gossip.

Tell him. Tell him you do not want to share him. When you don’t want to say yes but do anyway. When you want to call him to come home from the office. The lock-in. The spring retreat.

Tell him. Tell him you are sad. Sad when he rushes out the door. Sad when you have to get a sitter to help. Sad when you choose to help him by staying home with the kids. Sad when you can’t see your family on holidays.

Tell him. Tell him you regret saying yes to ministry some days. Regret the yes to the 2 week mission trip without you. Regret the yes months ago to the weekly meetings at breakfast when you feel crummy today.

Tell him. Tell him you are jealous. Jealous when he spends so much time with others. Jealous about the non-stop conversations in your home about other people lives. Woes. Joys. Needs.

Then tell him. Tell him you feel guilty. Guilty about being lonely and not wanting to share when you know so many others need him. Guilty about being sad in either choice you make to best help him. Guilty about regretting your yes to ministry when you know it’s what God has called you both to do. Guilty for feeling jealous and needing him so badly.

Find out what your husband needs from you. You are his help-meet. Don’t assume you know how he needs you to love him. He may need you by his side. To help him plan, organize, create. He may need you to back off. Let him dream, go, breath. He may need different things at different times. You are a team. But every team is built differently. Play on your strengths as a couple. You really do complete one another {thank you Jerry McGuire}. Don’t mimic another team’s strategies. They are not you. Let there be open communication at all times. Things change. People change. Some days it won’t be pretty communication but it still needs to happen.